Today is my Mother’s birthday. She is.. my Angel. :) She passed away my sophomore year of high school. I miss her very much, and at times wish she was here to help me out with all these boy problems.
Those first few years were really hard for me. I got really angry with God for taking her away from me. I was only sixteen and just entering the dating world. A territory I did not know. There have been many times since she’s been gone that I’ve desperately wanted her here, to the point that I would cry myself to sleep because I needed her... I needed her here beside me to help me in life and in understanding why boys were so stupid.
I have been extremely blessed to have my Mom’s sister, my dear Aunt Toni always there to talk to about this strange dating game we play. She’s always been there to help comfort me when my heart has been broken, and in finding hope in the future, as well as just being a listening ear for those times when I need to vent my feelings. She is truly one of my dearest closes friends and I would be so lost without her in my life. I love her very much. :)
I was told once by a bishop in my youth to be aware of the hole that was left in my heart from losing my Mom at such a young age, a hole that left me vulnerable to the world. He told me I needed to be careful not to fall in love so easily. Perhaps that is one reason why I haven’t been able to truly open my heart to boy. That warning has honestly frightened me so much that I don’t let anyone in at all. It is as if I have a wall up and I can’t for the life of me bring it down. That fear of getting hurt.. of falling and not being able to get back up again.. It’s terrifying. :(
However, I realize today, that place in my heart will never be filled. It will always belong to my Mother. My Angel. :) She has always and will always be a part of me. She is the main reason I am the person I am today.
Happy Birthday Mom! :) I love you, and miss you always. You will always have a place in my heart. <3
With much Love
Your daughter,
Sarah
Sarah, sweetie, that was absolutely beautiful. Your mom is so very proud of you. She misses her kids and loves each of you so much. The hardest this she had to do was leave this world and her kids behind. As much as I miss her I cannot imagine how very very difficult it is for you. Always be proud that you came from such a glorious woman and valiant daughter of God.
ReplyDeleteAwe. Thanks Aunt Renae. :) I like to think she is proud of me. I try to make good choices that she can look down at me and say to others "that's my daughter" ;)
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