Happy Ending

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”
–Gigi from He’s just not that into you.

I love this movie. I was talking to my friend Cathy about wanting to give up. She told me not to, that even though this game is stupid, it will be worth it in the end. I hope she is right. That I’ll find the happy ending I desire. ;)

Love,
Sarah

I’m Sexy and I know it

LOL! What can I say? That’s how I feel today. :) I read once, when I was looking up ways to overcoming my shyness, that it is important to feel good about ones self. If someone feels good about the way they look they are more confident and more able to open up. (aka blossom) I admit, as I was getting ready this morning I had in mind that I will probably most likely see this guy I’ve been interested in (aka crushing) I know, super duper lame dude. It’s true. I’m ridiculous. Like he’ll even notice. But I figure if I feel this great now and keep it up all day I’ll be able to approach him and be able to open up in talking to him, while thinking of course “I am sexy and you know it.” ;) It could work. Right? lol. Did I mention I’m ridiculous? It’s true. I am. Knowing my luck, I’ll probably trip and fall flat on my face causing me not to be sexy at all. :/ lol. It’s a good thing I’ve had practice falling in style. lol.

Sincerely,
Sarah

I Am

I’m an angel, I’m a devil
I am sometimes in between
I’m as bad it can get
And good as it can be
Sometimes I’m a million colors
Sometimes I’m black and white
I am all extremes
Try figure me out you never can
There’s so many things I am

I am Special
I am Beautiful
I am Wonderful
And Powerful
Unstoppable
Sometimes I’m miserable
Sometimes I’m pitiful
But that’s so typical of all the things I am

I’m someone filled with self-belief
And haunted by self-doubt
I’ve got all the answers
I’ve got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I’m up and I am down
But that’s part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all the things I am

I am Special
I am Beautiful
I am Wonderful
And Powerful
Unstoppable
Sometimes I’m miserable
Sometimes I’m pitiful
But that’s so typical of all the things I am

I’m a million contradictions
Sometimes I make no sense
Sometimes I’m perfect
Sometimes I’m a mess
Sometimes I’m not sure who I am

I am Special
I am Beautiful
I am Wonderful
And Powerful
Unstoppable
Sometimes I’m miserable
Sometimes I’m pitiful
But that’s so typical of all the things I am
Of all the things I AM!

[song lyrics of Hilary Duff’s “I Am”]

I love this song. And singing it is so much fun.
Reminds me of who I am. ;)

Love,
Sarah

Would You Rather..

I was playing with a friend the fun game “Would you rather?” and came across this question: Would you rather be with someone (relationship wise) who was Cocky or had Low Self-Esteem?

My first response was Cocky. But in thinking about it I switch to Low Self-Esteem. But now.. I’m not so sure. Those are two very different extremes and I understand that’s the point of the game.

I thought it be fun to ask my friends what they thought, and of course it was, but it ended up confusing me more. Both sides made really good points.

As for my thoughts.. I feel all of us suffer time to time with some sort of self-esteem issues. Even those who appear to be cocky. I think they too suffer and just are really good at covering it.

So who would I prefer being with? I’m not sure. Honestly I won’t want to be with either extreme. They are both chungo. Someone who is cocky, like really cocky would tear me down. And someone with low self-esteem would be able to bring me down too. :/ (??) Also.. when you think about it, both extremes that are presented in this question are selfish. Me Me Me. Which is why this question is so hard to answer.

So.. for my finale answer.. I would have to say neither. Call me a cheater all you want. For me, I would want someone in the middle. Someone who is *Humble* He knows who he is- A son of God. He doesn’t boast in himself, but in His God. :) That’s who I want to be with, and more importantly who I want to be. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Some girl’s future husband

I’m thinking that to overcome this problem of talking to guys I need to just tell myself that he is some other girl’s future husband, caz mostly it’s true, and also I find I can talk to guys that are “taken” so much easier. I don’t know why that is. I think because it takes off the pressure to impress them. am I making any sense? it’s the single guys that are hard to talk to. I just need to relax and just be myself.

As the saying goes: “Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.”

Sincerely,
Sarah

The Bachelor

So you’ve heard of the tv show the Bachelor? I admit I’ve seen an episode. I’ve decided I could never been on that show. I’m not the type that thinks I could win. I’m the type that bows out. I know, because that’s what I do. I see a guy I’m interested in talking to another girl, and think “he must like her.” and I can’t blame him. I like her to.

I got to stop this habit. because it takes away opportunities. I shouldn't be scared of a little competition. So what if a girl has her eye on the same bachelor as me? I have a shot just like her. I am beautiful, and smart, and funny! Any guy would be lucky to be with me. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Oh Dad..

My Dad is a funny guy. This morning he sent out mass text to my siblings and me asking us who plans to be to dinner tomorrow night so they can make sure to place a plate for us. I said I will be there, and being the nice daughter I am asked if there was anything I could bring.. his response?.. "Did you want to bring a boyfriend?" I told you. funny funny man. I meant something I could buy at the store. There’s no such thing as a boyfriend store. I think my Dad should just find me a boyfriend. Better yet a husband. I trust his judgment. lol. I think I’d be okay with an arrange marriage. Especially he could find a guy like the one from the movie “the Magic of Ordinary Days” The girl in that movie’s Dad found her a great husband! yeah.. that will work. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Happy News!! :)

Have you heard? http://www.abc4.com/content/news/top_stories/story/Elizabeth-Smart-engaged-plans-summer-wedding/2vKSXHVafkaBvyO910kfCQ.cspx?rss=20&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Elizabeth Smart is getting married! That is so exciting! She is such an amazing person! such an inspiration. She’s been through such horrors, I can’t even imagine. I’m so happy for her, that she has found her prince. :D Yay! Congratulations Elizabeth! :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

That’s Cool

So.. I was talking to my friend Cathy about one of her dating investigators (see dating for RM post) and she asked me to help her not be super ridiculous. Ridiculous is my middle name. jk it’s not really. but I do tend to be ridiculous in over analyzing boys actions. For example, just because a boy talks to you and remembers your name doesn’t mean he’s in love with you. He’s just a nice guy. Nothing to read into. In talking to her, and helping her “play it cool” it will give me some good practice in playing it cool when I find my own dating investigators. ;) So when my first reaction may be to jump up and down Screaming! - I’ll control the urge, and just play it cool. “that’s cool.” A nonchalant kind of attitude. ;) It won’t be easy, however possible. I think..

Love,
Sarah

Dear Friends,

You are the best! I feel so blessed to have each one of you in my life!
You are always there to lift me up when I feel like I can’t go on.
Thank you for accepting me who I am. I love you all SO MUCH!! :)

Love your friend,
Sarah

Prize

“I’m not a prize to be won” –Princess Jasmine.

I agree with Princess Jasmine. I’m not a prize to be won. I was talking with a friend today about past relationships and I got telling her about one I had clear back in ’05. He liked me and of course I was flattered. So I gave it shot. I was attracted to him; his smile was one to make me melt. :) but he treated like me like I was some prize he had won. Some of his comments sent off some major red flags. the flag that finally set it over the edge is when I was talking to STB about what he thought about this guy (who was a friend of his by the way) and me dating. His response? “I don’t like it” What? Why? “I know how he thinks.” I realized I only dated him because he liked me and I wanted to be in a relationship. Just to be in a relationship isn’t the right reason to be in one. I didn’t like being treated like I was property, and ended it. I learned a valuable lesson that day. That I wasn’t a prize to be won. I’m a daughter of God and deserve to be treated as such. :)

Love,
Sarah

Capital C

In thinking more about my boycott idea, it’s kinda silly. Mostly caz I said it would end once I got asked out. lol. Won’t that defeat the purpose of a boycott? Saying I crack at the first chance someone actually wanted to date me? lol.

The truth is I have a hard time talking to boys. Why? Because I’m a big fat Chicken. With a capital C. There I said it. I can’t do this dating game. I can’t even swing that bat.

A part of me is trying out this “when you least expect it” theory. If I quit then that’s when it will all start working out. Bahaha. Like that’s gonna work. (not)

I just.. I’m sick of it. The rejections, the lies. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t wanna play anymore.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Boycott

I was talking to my roommates today and the subject of dating came up. I told them I quit. I give up on boys. They are chungo. One summed it up really well with one word. “Boycott!” and we all laughed at the play on words.

Yep. Currently I am boycotting dating and boys in general. Not sure how long it will last. Probably till I get asked out next, which doesn’t happen very often, so it’ll be a long time.

I’m just gonnna worry about me right now. Continue on this new path of my New Year’s Blossoming Resolutions. Try my best to stop stressing over this stupid game, and just enjoy life.

After all, I’m only single once. Might as well enjoy it while I can.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Go & Do

My church calling in my ward is Relief Society Teacher. Some days I don’t think I’m cut out for this calling. That there are others who could do a better job. But then I have to remind myself, “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” :) I don’t think I could do this “job” if I didn’t know this church was true. He has a purpose to have me in this calling, and I just need to trust in Him. ;) like I’ve said before, He knows me better than I know myself. I’m not perfect, and He knows that. Yet He trusts me to full fill my calling, to teach my fellow sisters the gospel. :)

“.. I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” (1 Nephi 3:7)

I believe He knows that by me fullfilling this calling I will learn to blossom. ;) He knows what I need better than I do. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Phone Dream

I had such an Awesome dream this morning! In my dream I was at school outside on campus and saw my friend Crystal who I've been friends with since the second grade. I was so excited to see her caz it's been like forever (so it seems.)

Anyways, I had my arm full of books, and almost dropped my phone, which was weird because I thought I had just put it in my pocket. Turns out I had two phones! What? How? I must have accidentally picked up this extra phone that looked just like mine, thinking it was mine. It rang, and course on the Call ID I had no idea who it was. So I answered it and told that guy that I picked up his friend's phone on accident and to please tell him next time he saw him that I had it.

So yeah. After that I proceed to be a dork and play with the phones. I texted back and forth like I had a boyfriend, and called and left myself a message in a guy's voice. Don't judge! I don't know why my self-conscious dream self did this! Maybe deep down inside I am a dork. or more accurately a hopeless romantic. oh dear.

Anyways, news spread that I had the phone and guys were coming up to me saying it was theirs. It was a pretty nice phone and they were lying to get it. (When I woke up and thinking back on this part, it reminded me of the movie a Cinderella Story. both of them.) So yeah I had to test them. "If it's your phone, tell me the number." because I had texted and called myself I knew what it was. After lots of liars I was beginning to give up hope that I'd never find the mysterious owner of my imaginary boyfriend's phone.

Then, while I was getting a drink at the water fountain a guy approached me, and asked me if I was Sarah. Yeah.. "My friend told me you found my phone." I was thinkin', oh great here we go again. So I did my test and told him if it was his phone to tell me the phone number. And he did. After that things just clicked and my imaginary phone boyfriend turned into a real life boyfriend. It was so great. It was a lovely dream. :) lol.

In typing this up, I think it would have been super awkward if the phone belong to a girl. bahaha. That didn't even cross my mind in the dream. Anyways.. that is my dream. Moral of this dream.. I am a dork. Even in my dreams. Who knew? LOL

Sincerely,
Sarah

Dating for RMs

As Missionaries we made weekly goals. How many teaching appointments we plan to have, how many new investigators (people we taught/ those investigating the church) we plan to gain that week, along with how many of those we wanted/ expected to become progressing investigators, and how many baptisms dates to have set along with baptisms plan for that week. To find these new investigators we contact people by tracting (knocking doors, talking to people on the street or buses, etc)

Now with that in mind, once we get home we could still use this “tracting” system to find “new investigators” in dating. ;) ;) (those are winks by the way ;)) Now.. I admit I’m not very good at this dating game. I’m not very good, especially as of late, of getting those citas set.

Oh for those of you who don’t know, “cita” is the Spanish word for appointment or date (after all isn’t that what a date is? an appointment of a sort?) which reminds me of a story I like to side track with.

In the MTC one day one of my teachers was hurrying up to finish up class. One of the elders in my district asked him what the hurry was.

“What?.. You got a date or something?”

“Why yes, yes I do. Now let’s pray.”

And he picked on someone to pray and that elder asked him how to say the word date.

“Como se dice, ‘date’?”

“Cita” then realized why he asked that quickly after and added “don’t you dare pray for my date!”

We were all listening very intently to see if he would, and he didn’t. He explained after that he forgot the word that fast. Haha.

Okay back to my analogy. so after meeting people we add them under “Potential Investigators” list. Now this list with dating I got down. I know how to do that part. ;) It’s getting citas with them and making them “new” or “progressing” the difficult part. Let alone getting a Fecha. (Different kind of date ;)) One day perhaps I’ll get the hang of it. LOL.

Sincerely,
Sarah

School

Tonight I have my first class of this Spring Semester. Recently I’ve decided what major I want to go into that will help me full fill my dream of becoming a writer. :) I’m excited and nervous. I’m not really sure what to expect from these two classes I have this semester. They will fill the last two requirements for my General Education, (all the ones for my new major path of English were taken.) Intro to Sociology and General Philosophy. They sound interesting in there descriptions and seem like they will be a benefit in my new career path. Plus.. “Intro” and “General” seemed like safe bets. Haha.

This will also help me in my New Year’s Resolution to Blossom. Because one reason I am shy, I think, and have low self esteem is because I feel inferior to those around me who do know what they want to be when they “grow up” and have made something of themselves and I envy there confidence. A confidence I plan to gain as I blossom and full fill my potential my Heavenly Father knows I can and will become. ;)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Work Out

This Moring was Day One of working out. Part of my Blossoming Resolutions. I know. Hilarious! Feel free to laugh. I know I am, because as some of you know, Mornings and Working Out are two of my least favorite things. It’s Hilarious that I would put them together. To be completely honest I’m not sure how long this Resolution will last. I have a friend doing it with me so hopefully that will be motivation enough. It’s not every morning which is good. Just two for right now. Gotta start out small. Perhaps later in the year we’ll be able to kick it up a notch. Getting into shape, feeling good about my weight will help me gain confidence and blossom. ;)

Wish me Luck!
Sarah

Appreciated

You know what is a good feeling? Being appreciated. Recently one of my cousins came home from the mission field. I was very faithful and wrote every week this year. :) I saw her last night and she told me how much she appreciated my letters. It was a really great feeling. It’s such a simple thing, that means a lot. That’s something I need to work on. Letting those around me know how much I appreciate them and how grateful I am to have them in my life. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

Point of View

Last night I had a strange dream, not the first time I’ve had this sort of dream either, where I see the point of view/ perspective of all the “characters” in the story dream. It’s strange, but also interesting. It’s like I wasn’t just reading a story, but I was IN the story, at every angle. I wonder if that is how Authors feel. If so.. Awesome! Because that is my Career Path I am seeking. To be a writer. :)

I also started thinking this morning what it would be like if Life was like that. Sometimes when I read a book that is told from the first person, it’s fun and all but at the same time I am wondering what the other person is thinking. What if we could do that? It would be strange that’s for sure. It’s an interesting concept and also very confusing. What if I was multiple people? lol- I’m still trying to figure out the just the one person I am! I don’t think I could handle being two or more people. It’s probably best that Life isn’t like that. Life is confusing enough. Ha ha.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Break Through

I got a fun little call from my good friend Cathy yesterday telling me about a break through she made yesterday and I was the first one she called. I feel so special. ;)

So this break through. There’s this boy she likes and she’s had some interaction with and yesterday she was able to reach a break through of not being terribly shy around him, and just be her awesome self. Yay! :D I am so proud. It’s a level I’m still working on reaching with some.

It’s such a nice feeling, yah know? To be able to be one self around others. Why is it so hard for us to be who we are around those we don’t know all that well? Why are we so worried of what others think of us? I know if have this problem. Why am I so self conscious and have low self esteem causing me to be extremely shy especially around super attractive guys? Why do we let the fear of rejection, or not being accepted hold us back so much? and why do we beat ourselves up so much? Just because I’m not married yet doesn’t mean something is wrong with me, and that it will never happen.

It’s why I’ve chosen “blossoming” as my New Year’s Resolution. To blossom in Confidence, in Self Esteem and find happiness from within. :)

Sincerely,
Sarah

The Lord is My Light

In thinking about what I want my New Year’s resolution for 2012 to be, I reflected on my resolution I had for 2011 and how that went. My resolution last year was to “break out of my shy shell” I feel as I succeed somewhat, I’ve meet new people made new friends, etc.. however still have a long way to go.

So what can I do this year that will continue my growth as a human being? I thought about it, and pondered a little deeper of why I am shy. If I understand what is holding me back from blossoming (the term I used in my yesterday’s post) perhaps I can better grow into this flower Heavenly Father knows I can become. I realized my biggest problem is that I lack confidence. How can I expect someone to love me if I don’t love myself? I talked yesterday that I want to blossom this year. It’s more of a continuation of last year’s goal. I want to clear up that I don’t have a goal to get married, because I think that’s dumb and unrealistic. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone just to be in a relationship. I’ve tried that before and I’ve learned that’s not the way it works. At least it’s not how it should work.

Today in Relief Society we talked about resolutions and how our resolution should include ways we can grow closer to our Heavenly Father. So to go along with my blossoming analogy resolution idea I started explaining yesterday, I’ve decided I’m going to blossom this year by drawing closer to the Sun/Son. Meaning the Son of God. Flowers grow because of the nutriment they receive from the sunlight. What better way than to blossom spiritually than by soaking up the sunlight from my Savior. As the hymn teaches us, “The Lord is my light” :)

As I grow closer to My Savior, my Sunlight, this upcoming year, I will blossom into this confident little flower I am meant to be. I will discover/ remember my Divine Nature, and Individual worth.

“.. Wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, No matter how insignificant you may feel, No matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love.” -President Uchtdorf in his talk about the Forget-Me-Not Flowers.

Love,
Sarah